If anyone’s here , it’s by their own choice. i take no responsibility how my writings might affect anyone. i can not be held accountable for anything i write here. some might be true , some pure product of my imagination. I have made this blog comment-free long ago.  I don’t particularly need either your hatred , nor your pity. keep your advice for someone who gives a shit! my spammers are most welcome to  find new ways to advertise viagra here.

I was running in my mind.
There, nothing can go wrong.
The truth is I’m freely bounded, now more than ever.
how much is lost?
afterlight there are no tomorrows and there exists no yesterdays.
Incase you are wondering, that is your eye.
That’s just how I see it today; exactly how I feel now.
I need my twenty one days, but it just doesn’t start.
I had a weird dream, and it was about you.
At a photo-shoot; specifically a fine art nude photo shoot.
but I don’t understand art, and I wasn’t even there.
I saw flashes and shadows.  There were no faces.
I was scared; scared of finding you there.
fear kinda feels different in dreams, doesn’t it?
I am at an absolute present now.
I feel I need to dissolve somewhat somehow.
but enough about me, how does it feel to be you?

Stop
clear your mind
just let it take over
calm yourself
“everything will be alright”
random thoughts now and then
“I’m here”
but music everywhere
don’t fight it
now just white noises
keep on going
dreams eating away my sleep
Run ; Dance
do I belong here?
chained inside this outside

everything is gonna be alright
just not today
not just yet 

Closed the last box,
looked around; sighed and stood up
decided to take a last look
and there it was…
god knows for how long or how l had missed it all along
from then It felt like watching the last episode of your favorite tv show  for hours
cause nothing would/could quiet replace it
no matter what, you’ll miss it all, every episode of every season
you can watch that last episode over and over again or even the entire series
but it will always end the same way
it is what it is
there’s no escape now
so I let go of myself
for all the stupidness
all the joy
all the sadness
and every other moment of it
cause how do you keep it all together
light was gone when I came back to reality
tiles had lost their chill
still in the same position, staring under the bed
in agony reached out for it, bane of my life
held it firm; deciding where to go from here
then left it back in the darkness
where it belongs
cause after all
a half empty jar of pickles could not be the worst welcoming gift for the new people page monitor .

Lately, I spend most of my time at work daydreaming about how my life would be different if I were a spaceman. And by lately I mean this past week. So much happened in such a short time that I feel I might actually be one.

somehow

Just drifting into space and landing back when my life is not the life I knew before. Somewhere along the way I lost her; my only bond with sanity. how to buy domains the place was not there anymore; John and George , my only saviors at work, vanished into thin air in front of my eyes and I didn’t realize. my responsibilities at work, which to my surprise I enjoyed doing, were changed to the most tedious and stupid position ever. I spend most of the drive back, which now has almost no purpose to it, struggling with back pain. And just when I thought the worst is over, as a Thursday special, I came down with the weirdest flu since this morning.  (“Thankfully not swine, checked in with the doctor”)

then she opened up and cried, and all my carp seemed almost childish and absurd.
The sad part was, the only thing on my mind was my shuttle and a way back to space!

“IT’S ALL IN YOUR MIND!”

entered the room and he was just looking out the window
ignored the awkwardness and just sat at my desk
logged in my computer and browsed into my mail
no surprises
“my daughter is too busy to talk to me”
and he became a person to me
I don’t know why I think of them this way
as in they have just been the way they are since it begun
I don’t understand anyone
what’s wrong with me?
how could this be
they are all surrogates
it was not just a movie but a reality
there is a something beneath all of them
had lost a 16 years old child 2 years ago
his only son
and he ran
cause how do you live after a part of you
your son
vanishes
dies
in front of your eyes
cause that’s what we all do
just as human as me
said there’s no escape
but we all run
is this my world?
am I the only one living?
how much of it I control?
had he passed the test?
cause its just a big old silly test! Isn’t it?
all the choices in the world
is this what will become of me?
someday
somehow
of all the choices in the world
will I break me?
silent

Not too long ago,
on a day exactly like this one,
I was given a soul,
not too sure why yet
not too sure for what yet
but im sure some part of it has something to do with you
I’ve given up hoping you will ever see that somehow though
and this year was probably the shittiest birthday I have had
but It was indeed a happy birthday
cause I got to spent it with you new domain names .

I skipped grade 5 ,
and my life has been on fast forward mood ever since.
I’m pretty sure that was when everything started to go wrong!  
there almost is never enough time to understand it!
there almost is never enough time to live it,
there almost is never enough time to think it through!
not that I do much or I am in anyway busy.
I skipped grade 12,
and my life has become an impossible puzzle ever since.
I m pretty sure that’s when they teach you how to handle it all
cause I find myself in situations that are my worst nightmares
cause I find myself fallin apart
cause I find myself out of control
not that I have many responsibilities or there’s much going on
So u see, im unstable and confused!
I don’t know what I want!

things have changed!
you are not you anymore,
you are this you that I asked you to become!
but I miss you! Not the person ive made , but you!

I know baby! Im contradicting myself again!  how to buy domains

It all comes down to fractions of a second
all that we worry about will be meaningless
all that we run for will just vanish
and that’s when I wonder , why do we run at all?
why do we bother?  And what’s next after nothing?
what’s next after that second, they will try their best but
but what if they cant? And what if they can?
what if they save you? Would you still run?
and she told me its for family,
its for the one person you will matter the most to
its to give that person all you always wanted
all you never had
but what if that’s not what they want or need?
it all comes down to fractions of a second
and I wonder how uneducated we are
how our humanity fails us sometimes
how our curiosity can make us restless
and why do we see? What do we want to see?
it’s our curiosity that makes us see,
it is not us but it’s him! The curios one!  
it all comes down to fractions of a second
can you justify?
all for one? Or even maybe all for a few?
how do we measure?
who comes first? 
who measures and who decides if it matters?
and what is the one’s measurement scale
It all comes down to fractions of a second! new domain names .

And I’ve become just a part of them
part of the system, someone just inside the box
someone like them, invisible!
and I wonder when did my thoughts became so daily and ordinary
and I wonder when did my needs, my wants, my dreams became so earthly

Please don’t ask me why!